2026 分手原因排行榜大洗牌： 劈腿偷吃登頂、「冷暴力」首度入榜—香港情侶點解越嚟越靜？｜ 愛情顧問解說

📰 What Happened

Taiwan's internet trend site DailyView, through its public-opinion analysis system the KEYPO Big Data Engine, compiled Chinese-language online discussions from 30 September 2025 to 29 September 2026 to produce the top ten breakup reasons for couples in 2026. The full ranking (with online discussion volume in brackets):

1. Cheating (370,135)

2. Conflict and Arguments (165,494)

3. Incompatible Personalities (52,140)

4. Lack of Trust (46,825)

5. Cold Violence (silent treatment) (40,511)

6. Different Values (39,197)

7. Lying and Deception (33,668)

8. Appearance and Body (32,751)

9. Lack of Respect (30,483)

10. No Shared Vision for the Future (28,987)

This year's chart shows a few clear changes: last year's champion, "conflict and arguments", dropped to number 2, while "cheating" climbed to first place; last year's chart entries "ex-factor" and "long distance" fell out of the top ten; and both "cold violence" and "no shared vision for the future" entered the ranking for the first time, while "lying and deception" also rose from number 9 last year to number 7.

The survey organisation specifically stated that the ranking only reflects the volume of online discussion — it does not represent the level of harm caused, nor netizens' positive or negative feelings. One more thing worth noting: last year "conflict and arguments" won the top spot with just over thirty thousand mentions, yet this year the same item rose to 165,494 — the overall discussion base has clearly grown larger, so reading "changes in ranking" is more reliable than reading "absolute numbers".

In Hong Kong, according to the latest figures from the Census and Statistics Department, the courts granted 18,938 divorce decrees in 2024, an increase of 1,019 cases year on year (+5.38%), with the crude divorce rate climbing back to 2.51 per thousand population — a new high since the pandemic; in the same year there were 19,989 divorce applications. Based on 2023 figures, among the 18 districts the highest proportion of divorced or separated population was in Kwun Tong (7.6%), followed by Sham Shui Po (7.3%) and Tuen Mun (6.9%), with the lowest in Central and Western (4.1%).

👩‍💼 The Advisor's Take

① Why Did "Cold Violence" Only Make the Chart This Year? Because It's the Hardest to Speak About

"Cold violence" is nothing new. Not replying to messages, not answering calls, not explaining — you ask what's wrong and they say "nothing's wrong", then it goes on for a week. This way of relating to each other has existed for decades, so why did it only squeeze into the top ten this year?

The reason isn't that it has increased, but that there is finally language to describe it. In the past, victims most often said, "Well, he didn't hit me, I'm just too sensitive"; in recent years terms like "emotional blackmail", "emotional manipulation" and "psychological abuse" have become common, and only then did many people realise: this kind of silent treatment is itself a form of harm, and not a sign that they weren't tolerant enough.

Psychologically, this kind of behaviour has to be read on several levels:

(1) A short cooling-off period is not the same as cold violence. Going quiet for 24 to 48 hours after a fight is normal emotional regulation — some people really need time to cool down, otherwise the moment they open their mouths they'll say hurtful things. The key to judging it is the "purpose" and the "time limit".

(2) Longer than three days, and ignoring you even when you reach out = punishment. At this stage the silence has already shifted from "protecting the relationship" to "exercising power".

(3) There are "release conditions" = manipulation. They'll only "forgive" you once you apologise, admit fault or promise to change something — the silence has become a bargaining chip.

(4) The hot-and-cold cycle hurts the most. A blazing fight, then silence, then suddenly acting as if nothing happened and being sweet to you, then another blazing fight. Psychologists call this "intermittent reinforcement"; its effect is similar to gambling, and it can make a person addicted and sink deeper and deeper — and it is the hardest of all to walk away from on your own.

Psychologist John Gottman, who studies intimate relationships, lists "stonewalling" as one of the four horsemen that kill a relationship — when one partner shuts down reception, every effort the other makes just hits a wall. And research on ostracism has also found that being ignored over the long term triggers brain responses associated with physical pain. In other words, "he didn't hit me" does not mean you weren't hurt.

② High Discussion Volume Doesn't Mean It Hurts the Most: A Ranking Measures "What Gets Talked About", Not "How Deep the Pain Goes"

Look again at the gap in the numbers: cheating at 370,135 mentions, cold violence at 40,511 — roughly a ninefold difference. But what this gap reflects isn't the level of harm; it's discussion value.

• Cheating is dramatic, there's a third party, there's a "who's right and who's wrong" that can be publicly judged → netizens are extremely willing to discuss it
• Cold violence has no visuals, no evidence, and if you speak up you'll be asked "aren't you just too sensitive?" → victims tend to keep it to themselves

So with any ranking, remember: discussion volume is how much something is talked about, not a pain index. Cold violence ranking 5th doesn't mean it's only the 5th most painful.

What's more worth noticing is the "shift": this year's two new entries — cold violence and no shared vision for the future — are both internal relationship problems; the ones that fell off the chart, "ex-factor" and "long distance", are external factors. Add to that "lying and deception" rising from number 9 to number 7, and the trend is quite clear: more and more, the cracks in a relationship are eaten away from the inside, not shattered by outside force.

③ The Hong Kong Context: Cold Violence Really Can Be Taken to Court

Many Hongkongers assume cold violence is purely a matter of feelings, with no legal consequences. In fact, cohabiting couples are equally protected by the law.

Under Hong Kong law, Cap. 189, the Domestic and Cohabitation Relationships Violence Ordinance, the people who can apply to the Family Court for a "non-molestation order" include:

• A spouse or former spouse
• A partner or former partner in a cohabiting relationship (applications are not restricted by gender)
• Specified relatives

In other words, as long as you meet the definition of a "cohabiting relationship", you can apply even if you aren't married and regardless of gender. Under the ordinance you can apply for a non-molestation order, an exclusion order and a re-entry order; an injunction can last up to 24 months, and the court may extend it as circumstances require.

The most crucial point: the ordinance does not define "molestation". In the case of P v C, the definition cited by the judge was that even if the abuser does not intimidate the other party or use violence, it can still amount to molestation — and it can be very serious, damaging physical and mental health, and it applies to any conduct that can cause a certain degree of distress; the judgment further stated that "abusive language" alone can be enough to lead the court to issue a non-molestation order and an exclusion order.

To be clear: it is not "if he goes silent, you can win a case". The court will consider the persistence and severity of the behaviour, the actual distress it caused you, and the evidence. But at the very least you should know that this path exists, and that it isn't "nothing can be done".

How to apply: the Family Court Registry (Wan Chai Government Building, Mezzanine 2, telephone 2840 1218) and the Legal Aid Department (2537 7677). In an emergency, or if personal safety is threatened, call 999 immediately.

④ Breakup Reasons Are Shifting From "External Force" to "Internal Attrition" — What Does That Say?

Looking at the whole chart, the top three (cheating, conflict and arguments, incompatible personalities) are all actually "outcomes" — the relationship has already rotted to the surface. The real "causes" are in the middle and lower reaches: lack of trust (4th), cold violence (5th), lack of respect (9th), and no shared vision for the future (10th).

Here's an analogy: cheating is the "fever", while cold violence and lack of respect are the "inflammation". By the time you measure 39 degrees, the illness has actually been burning inside the body for a long time.

Advisor's observation: Most couples who reach a breakup, looking back, will say "actually there were signs early on". The problem is that at the time, nobody treated those things — "not replying to messages", "saying 'whatever' to everything you say", "never willing to talk about the future" — as anything much.

💡 What You Can Learn

• Tell "cooling off" apart from "punishment" — 24 to 48 hours to gather yourself is normal; past three days, ignoring you even when you reach out, isn't cooling off, it's punishment
• Don't chase — the more you chase, the further they pull back — set a boundary (for example, if the silence lasts more than three days, treat it as a reason for a proper talk), hold to it, and stop sending message after message
• Watch for "release conditions" — if they'll only return to normal once you admit fault, apologise or agree to conditions, then the silence is a weapon, not an emotion
• If it's already like this before marriage, don't believe "it'll get better after we're married" — after you move in together, cold violence is even harder to escape, because you no longer even have the buffer of "going back to your own home"
• Dating and cohabiting are protected by the law too — you can apply for a non-molestation order without being married, so don't assume you have no way out
• And ask yourself too: have I ever used silence to punish my partner? — saying "I need time to think it through, let's talk tomorrow" is communication; walking away without a word for three days is harm

Talk to a LoveWise love advisor — whether you're single, dating, or married, we're here to listen 💕